January 7, 2013

My Secret

I now have the date on which I will step onto the ice in my goalie gear for the first time since Ronald Reagan held the highest office in the land.

January 8th.

That is the night all the skaters and goalies from the local I-League report to the ice for "draft night". Am I expected to try out? How many goalies will show up for four teams? Will I make a team? Will I be drafted? I check and re-check my gear in anticipation of the night. I put it on again and again looking for equipment flaws. I am ready.

"It's funny how quickly I am transported back to my 10-year old self."

But its a secret.

I haven't told anyone except Amy about my return. I am busting to tell my friend, Paul, about my plan and to scoop him up in my excitement. I don't tell him. I don't tell anyone. Not my friends and not my family.

What if 7 goalies show up for 4 teams and I am told, sorry we don't have room? What if I can't play anymore, or never really could? What if, by some cruel fate, I am asked to exit the ice- ridiculed for my poor showing? Memories of minor league try-outs and bench-sitting flood my mind. It's funny how quickly I am transported back to my 10-year old self.

I'm determined to put myself out there but I'm terrified I will fail before getting started.

January 8th.