July 2, 2014

Video Killed the Radio Star

Its been a year since I've worked up the courage to get some video of my play. Why? Well nothing can kill your sense of accomplishment and shatter the ego faster than looking at yourself on video. Think you can dance? Watch yourself on tape from a recent party. Think your karaoke skills are among the best in the bar? Have your buddy videotape your latest song. The heartbreaking evidence becomes reality.

The fact is, that after killing myself on the ice, getting coaching and getting into shape, a year ago I decided to see what my meteoric progress looked like on YouTube. The result? I almost quit playing hockey on the spot.

Time has passed and I guess the sting of those images wore off because I went and did it again. I borrowed a GoPro and slapped that bugger behind the glass and recorded for all of history my progress since coming back to hockey a year and a half ago.

The results were cringe-worthy and feelings of self-loathing immediately rose but perhaps slightly less so than the previous evidence. So, without further delay, here's the latest self-written scouting report on the Ancient Netminder...

[previous Scouting Report] | [previous Video]

Ancient Netminder

6'2, 215 (Whoah! the fat bastard dropped some weight!)
Catches: Left

Born: After A. Lincoln but before W. Gretzky in Ontario, Canada

Drafted: Never, but left the window open one night and caught a cold.
Last Season: Played full-time for 3 teams, subbed for anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Scouting Report:

Moderate improvement in positioning- doesn't shrink into the net as often.
  • Improved athleticism with new ability to get up without seeking assistance.
  • Now seems able to leg slide with some regularity
  • Still dropping into butterfly too early but marked improvement.
  • Despite evidence during practices, still not making use of push/slides to reposition.

Improve flexibility for better butterfly and agility on the ice
  • Sharper T-pushes and shuffles. Stop bobbing that head!
  • More upper and core strength to reduce collapse and slouch when down.
  • More body control. Stop taking yourself out of the play.