March 10, 2020

Damn I Miss It

I miss playing hockey.

In mid February I got tripped up and fell while skating out. I’ve fallen countless times in many ways over the years but never got seriously injured. I fell to the ice with my right arm extended and now I’ve got a torn tendon in my rotator cuff.

I was given a choice– surgery now or endure months of physical therapy with no guarantee which could still end with surgery. I’ve chosen physical therapy. There’s a chance I could be back playing sooner than the surgery route. I want that chance.

The winter season is almost over and for the first time, I’ve got three Puck Hawgs teams in three different divisions and it was such a blast getting to play on all of them. I’ve been playing net on two Hawgs teams (B & C) and skating out on the other (D). My net game for the first six games of the season was some of the best I’ve played and my Hawgs B team was off to a 6-0 start. Then the season came to an end for me.

I still get out to almost every game. I carry the puck bag, stand behind the bench and cheer and carry sticks back to the locker room after the games end. Next week, I’ll hand out each team’s MVP trophy to one of the players and watch as my teams fight for a championship. I smile and encourage my players and I watch as someone else takes the net for my teams but deep down I just feel disappointment.

I am not special. As I previously wrote, injuries are a part of hockey and nobody should be surprised that you get banged up playing a contact sport. Many teammates and hockey friends have asked me how I’m doing and so many of them have their own injury story. Knee, off three months, Hand, off four months. Achilles, off six months. The list goes on. I don’t know why but It never seemed likely to me that I’d miss time due to a long-term injury. I’ve gone through bad knees, busted ribs and other things that kept me out for a week or two but in the almost 7 years since coming back, I’ve dodged anything that keeps me out longer. Now here it is.

So I head off to PT a few times a week and try to lift a 1-pound weight a little higher each visit. I go to the rink with my jersey on and watch as my teams win and lose. I want to be around them and feel that connection that beer league hockey gives– that sense of community.

I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself but damn I miss playing hockey.