Right Now It's Everybody's Net

Herb Brooks: I'm thinking about sitting you down Jim.
Jim Craig: What? Wait what are you talking about?
Herb Brooks: No, it's not your fault. I played you way too much, and you're too tired. Besides that, I think it's time I give Janny a look. He's been waiting for seven months.
Jim Craig:  You're kidding me? Now?
Herb Brooks: Of course I mean now!
Jim Craig:  That's my net man. You can't do that!
Herb Brooks: They just scored ten goals Jim. Right now it's everybody's net.
- Miracle (Disney, 2004)

I knew within moments of my game last night that it was going to be a tough one. We spent the first two minutes trapped in our zone. The opposing line was faster than anyone from our team and were beating us to every puck and trapping every clearing attempt. Finally, after a brief exit from our zone, I faced the first shot of the game- a clean breakaway that resulted in a goal. The first of many.

We were outmatched and I was facing an avalanche of shots and quality scoring chances. I tried to stay strong and give my team a chance to stay in the game. Somehow after the first period we were down only 2-1.

Then it happened. Goal after goal poured into the net. Uncontested rebounds, back door tap ins, clean point shots and deflections. I overplayed slot shots, I was sloppy along the post. Pucks popped out of glove. I swiped loose pucks onto opposing player's sticks. Wide-eyed and unfocused I played undisciplined hockey.

At first I was frustrated and shouted at my defense for obvious mistakes. Next I was frustrated at myself and seethed at my incompetence. By the time the 7th or 8th of 9 total goals found the net, I was numb.

I don't have any answers the morning after the collapse. I know I wasn't mentally strong enough to play my best hockey in the face of an overpowering team. Instead I regressed and adopted the "1,000 yard stare". It happens to every goalie- even those professionals who have the talent, the training & the extraordinary commitment it takes to play in the NHL. Coaches are adept at spotting the distant stare and they pull their starting goaltender when they see it. I'm pretty sure that more than a few of my own players saw that on my face last night.

Many of you reading this might wonder why all the fuss and consternation over some late-night beer league game that few will remember a week from now. I don't know either. Something drives me to play my best and feel miserable when I don't. Is that a good reason to keep playing? I think so because I can't wait for the next game. I can't wait to strap on my pads and learn more hard lessons about being the Ancient Netminder.

Throwback Thursday

I have one of the worst memories of anyone I know. I routinely forget people's names. I usually forget birthdays and anniversaries unless I set up a reminder. In fact, I get to enjoy books and movies I've seen before almost like its the first time. But I remember this...

"Sure that's the MVP, but I've got my sweet, "Most Improved"

I'm in grade 5 at Temperance Street Elementary School in Nova Scotia. I'm sitting in a classroom with my teacher/coach and a dozen other boys who made up this year's Elementary team- my first year as a full time goalie. I'm 10.

God I was awful. I let goals in from everywhere and anywhere. I remember one from the other team's zone that slipped under my stick. But this day I was filled with excitement and pride. "Most Improved Player!" It was only many years later that I recognized the irony of that award. I hope I remember until my last day the feeling of walking to the front of the class to receive my trophy from Mr. MacMillan because its one of the few I have from my first year in hockey.

Someone get this kid a bigger jersey

Here is the first of only two surviving photos of my Pee-Wee goalie career. The back of the photo notes the date, 1978. I was a Cooper man in those days- through and through. I stayed with that gear for most of my time in youth hockey because I was a late bloomer as far as growing was concerned. The helmet and cage replaced the "Cheevers" mask I wore in my first season, courtesy of a concussion. I can't begin to describe the weight of those pads to a young goalie of the modern era. It's enough to know that they weighed roughly twice as much at the end of a game as they did at the beginning. A final equipment note... I remember my Dad buying me a brand new goalie stick and I decided to cut the shaft down to size when he wasn't home. I played the rest of that season with a stick that had the top 4" duct taped together. Kids do the darndest things.

Finally we have the typical team photo. I played with the New Glasgow Blue Bombers nearly my entire youth hockey career. There's no date on this photo but I was probably eleven or twelve. In my day, the 'A' and 'B' teams got to travel- mostly to neighboring towns but sometimes out of the province (Canada). The 'C' and 'C2' teams... well they mostly got 5 A.M. ice time and an away game was a 15 minute ride to the rink on the other side of town. My career went in one direction as a goalie in minor hockey. I started on the 'B' team and by the time I was in High School I was the "go to" goalie for the 'C2" team. Alas, the NHL was not my destination.

New Glasgow Blue Bombers Pee-Wee circa 1978

I only remember a few names of team mates in this picture. Greg something and Kirk-the-kid-who-was-good and a couple of others. One name I do remember is the other goalie on the team. Kenny Burgess and I were side by side on nearly every team I played on. He was always a little better than I was and we always split games. I so wanted to get away from Kenny and not have to share that ice time. But Kenny made me try a little harder because of it and I relished every chance to outplay him (they were few). I also remember the tall tow-head in the middle of the photo. Mark was my best friend in elementary school and he was a good player. A defenseman big for his age, his older brothers were excellent players and Mark was one of the better ones I ever played with. Hope you are doing well, whereever you are Mark.

I waxed on about why I came back to hockey after being away for 25 years when I started this blog. This entry and the photos don't lend much new to the question of why I came back but it helps remind me of why I have hockey in my veins and why- despite walking away for most of my life- coming back has made me feel a bit more complete.

Video Killed the Radio Star

Its been a year since I've worked up the courage to get some video of my play. Why? Well nothing can kill your sense of accomplishment and shatter the ego faster than looking at yourself on video. Think you can dance? Watch yourself on tape from a recent party. Think your karaoke skills are among the best in the bar? Have your buddy videotape your latest song. The heartbreaking evidence becomes reality.

The fact is, that after killing myself on the ice, getting coaching and getting into shape, a year ago I decided to see what my meteoric progress looked like on YouTube. The result? I almost quit playing hockey on the spot.

Time has passed and I guess the sting of those images wore off because I went and did it again. I borrowed a GoPro and slapped that bugger behind the glass and recorded for all of history my progress since coming back to hockey a year and a half ago.

The results were cringe-worthy and feelings of self-loathing immediately rose but perhaps slightly less so than the previous evidence. So, without further delay, here's the latest self-written scouting report on the Ancient Netminder...

[previous Scouting Report] | [previous Video]

Ancient Netminder

6'2, 215 (Whoah! the fat bastard dropped some weight!)
Catches: Left

Born: After A. Lincoln but before W. Gretzky in Ontario, Canada

Drafted: Never, but left the window open one night and caught a cold.
Last Season: Played full-time for 3 teams, subbed for anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Scouting Report:

• 
Moderate improvement in positioning- doesn't shrink into the net as often.
• Improved athleticism with new ability to get up without seeking assistance.
• Now seems able to leg slide with some regularity
• Still dropping into butterfly too early but marked improvement.
• Despite evidence during practices, still not making use of push/slides to reposition.

Recommendations:

• 
Improve flexibility for better butterfly and agility on the ice
• Sharper T-pushes and shuffles. Stop bobbing that head!
• More upper and core strength to reduce collapse and slouch when down.
• More body control. Stop taking yourself out of the play.