Offseason Report or How I Went Broke Becoming a Goalie Again

The next I-League season is fast approaching with Draft night set for this Tuesday. Since the last season ended, I've been busy;

A) Working on my butterfly slides and recoveries
B) Taking pucks to my knee causing extreme pain and suffering
C) Spending ridiculous amounts of money on goalie equipment
D) All of the above

Since the phone hasn't been ringing off the hook with offers from D or C teams who are looking for an ancient netminder, I'm signed up for the next season of I-League (Instructional). During the past few weeks, the league has been running a skills camp for both skaters and goalies. The drills were excellent by getting me repetitions as well as working to understand angles better.

Last Tuesday, I saw my buddy and fellow I-Leaguer, Paul come down on a break away drill and I decided to be cute and crash into him. Unfortunately, I ended up sprawled out and took a puck to my kneecap. Somehow, the puck not only found the inside of my pad, but the hardshell kneepads I was wearing also slipped down just enough to expose the spot. I've been in agony since and learned a lesson- don't horse around on the ice!

I've also been spending money like a drunken sailor on new equipment. While only returning to hockey four months ago, I've all but replaced every piece I bought in January- some pieces more than once! Some of the gear purchases were out of necessity and safety while others were more financially painful lessons- learning about sizing, fit and comfort. This past weekend I dropped several hundreds of dollars on my third set of pads in four months.

32" Heaton, circa 1990 | 35" Vaugh circa 2005 | 36" +1.5 Warrior 2012

Aside from the obvious age differences (the Warriors are the first new pads I've ever owned), you'll note the size differences. The Heaton and Vaughn pads were both 12" wide while the new Warriors are the NHL regulation 11". The most striking difference is in the height. In my breakneck progression from stand-up to butterfly goaltending, I have learned the value of taller pads with modern design. Smaller five-hole, better skate angle of attack and easier push and slide are all benefits of these new pads.

So now the only problem is that I'm running out excuses. Draft night is Tuesday and a new season is on the horizon.

Game of a Lifetime (so far)

Preamble...

It's been several weeks of coaching sessions with The Punisher and between drop-in, stick and puck and league play, I've been on the ice 3-4 times a week for the past three months. My body aches day and night. My knees are knobby, swollen bags of glass and it has become an effort not to groan loudly when getting up from a chair.

And I love it.

Reading back on my last entry, it's clear I was in a bit of a low-point in my struggle to return to goaltending and, in fact, things only got worse for a time. My losing streak continued with my I-League team's loss in the first round of the playoffs- once again being defeated in a shootout when I wasn't able to stop pucks in the first two rounds

But I didn't quit or even take a break. The following week I hit the ice 4 times in 4 days and got some confidence back- even if my body paid the price. This week, my team played a consolation round to determine the 3rd place finisher and I was feeling strong.

3rd Period

I had dominated my net in the first two periods- only allowing one goal on a flopping puck that made its way through a forest of legs. The score was tied 1-1 when the puck was dumped to center and behind my defense. Suddenly, a streaking player for the other team was trying to get to it and I had to rush out to beat him to the puck. I made it first but, hesitating, mishandled it and the player crashed it with his stick and the puck flew into my net. Could this be happening? I finally play the kind of hockey I know is in me and we might lose to such a bonehead play?

The Shootout

One of my team mates bailed me out and scored in the third to tie the game before it went to overtime. Tied 2-2, the shootout started. Our team, with me in net, had an 0-4 record in shootouts this season and I was determined not to make it 5. What happened next was a couple of the best saves I've made since my return including a stretch to the post that had me grimacing in pain and a poke check that almost knocked the player to the ice. In the end, I stopped 3 shooters and we scored to win the game.

It was a high point for our team and there was lots of back slapping on the ice and atta-boys in the locker room. I felt I had played the best game of my life- despite the bonehead play that almost cost us the game.

As I walked out into the dark of the parking lot, a couple of my team mates waved goodbye and one shouted, "You're about 30 times better now than we started this season. See you next season!'

Hell yes, I've come back to hockey.

One step forward...

Its time for a few updates in no particular order.

Pads. Pads everywhere
I've had my first set of hybrid pads for about two months now and while getting used to them along with the butterfly technique, I've started to wonder if they are tall enough. I bought these 35" (no + sizing) from an Ebay seller after using various sizing charts I found on the web. The reason I think these 35's are too short is because of the h u g e 5-hole that's opening up in the butterfly. My 35's are only just making it to my mid-thigh and nearly every other goalie I see has pads that extend to groin level.

So I've begun researching pads again- anticipating that a new, taller set is imminent. Here's about all I've learned so far;

1. Intermediate and Senior has more to do with sizing than anything else
2. Pads with one or no break above the knee are considered butterfly, not hybrid pads
3. The better pads have adjustable knee blocks and calf wraps
4. New pads are still ridiculously expensive
5. There are only a handful of companies but they produce seemingly hundreds of models

My folks watched me play while
visiting from Canada

Another "Punisher" session
Last week I finished another session with my coach, whom I've dubbed, "The Punisher". We revisited the butterfly slide and for whatever reason, something finally clicked with me. I was executing the basic slide correctly more than 75% of the time. I need to work to keep my hips up and not slump while in the slide but this gets tougher as I get tired. I am far more comfortable pushing off the net posts into the slide than in open ice. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm keeping my skates sharp enough for the open ice push.

Two steps back
With all the work I've been putting into my return to hockey, I felt I was on a pretty steep curve of improvement. The reality is that if I'm measuring my success by GAA or wins and losses, I'm trending downward. Last night's I-League loss (5-2) matches my GA high and pushed me to 4th out 4 goalies in my league. The losses are adding up and my confidence is shaken.

I understand a couple of weeks of bad losses and mountains of goals isn't a true measure of improvement. I also know that hockey is a team sport and despite all my efforts (good and bad), I can't win or loose alone. That doesn't change the fact that for the first time since I stepped back onto the ice a couple of months ago, I have started to doubt whether I will improve to a point where I feel more like an asset than a liability to my team.

Fortunately I have some great friends who have been offering me encouragement and I hope in the coming weeks you will read about more successes than failures.

I know you can do this bud. You're working hard and learning a completely different style of goaltending. You have years (many many years :)) of muscle memory to overwrite. I believe that the work is going to pay off. You're Canadian man!! Hockey is in the blood! - T.F.

I admire you for even trying! - G.W.

I'm proud of you, babe. - A.L.E

Thanks guys! 

Electric Slide

After a week off from his torture, my new goalie coach known as "The Punisher" spent our entire hour working with me on the butterfly slide.

Let me start by saying that my 47 year old legs are being put through things I thought wouldn't be possible. Between repeated butterfly recoveries where they are lifting all 260 pounds of me (plus gear!) to my poor abused knees, the past two months of 3-times-a-week hockey is taking its toll. I try not to groan or weep in the locker room after each game and practice but its not easy to keep hiding the facts from my team mates.

Back to the butterfly slide... with the help of The Punisher I finally found the trigger that made all the difference in execution. In previous attempts I had been half lifting/hopping out of my crouch and more or less falling into a slide with all the lateral movement of a glacier. Understanding that you need to load up on the push leg and let the slide side knee collapse was the first part. The real key was learning that the cue for the push was feeling the slide side skate loose its edge as the cowling made contact with the ice. In other words, shift the weight to the push leg, let the slide knee move down until the cowling causes the slide skate to slip then PUSH!

Finding these cues is important for me as I've always used self talk as a way of learning new motor skills. I did this a lot when I started playing tennis 15 years ago.

By the end of the session I was performing butterfly slides to both sides though oddly I struggle moving to my right more than my left. One other important part of the move is to clench my butt cheeks while beginning the slide which helped me keep my knees a little tighter to the middle and kept my posture more upright.

Rocking the new school butterfly with the old school jersey number.

In the two on-ice sessions since my success with this move I've had trouble "pulling the trigger" and instead I'm falling back on my old stand-up techniques. I'm not too concerned because this was the case when I was learning the standard butterfly. Now I am executing that at will during games and I hope the same will be true as I become more comfortable with the slide.

Uhhhhh... that's definitely NOT the butterfly slide

Swallowing a Little Pride

I was crushed.

I sat watching the video over and over. It was a scant 45 seconds of various saves made during my last I-League game (5-3 win) but I could barely believe what I was seeing. Over and over again I landed squarely on top of my pads with my feet stuck behind. Nothing even resembled the butterfly technique I have been working on for a few weeks.

Pads facing down at the ice and feet tucked nicely behind- the complete butterfly FAIL

I had come off the ice that night feeling really good about my progress towards the butterfly and in my mind I had executed it almost every time I dropped down. The reality was that I was still falling back to my old habits.

It was time to ask for some help.

I have been going out to our local rink's "Stick & Puck" each Sunday since my return to hockey and had noticed a young man working with a Pee Wee aged goalie. He was obviously working with a fresh recruit to the pipes and I was impressed with his teaching style and knowledge. I figured if he can teach a 10 year old kid the butterfly then he was a good choice to teach me.

At the appointed time last Sunday he and I began working on my butterfly and the various moves related to the style.

• He helped me move my stick position into a slightly laid-back angle which allowed my blocker to move off my pad and to cover more net.
• He helped me move my foot/knee/hip into the proper angles to lessen the strain on my knee and hip when recovering.
• He showed me the proper way to execute the half butterfly (one pad down).
• He got me started on the butter fly slide.

All of this work was done between frequent exhausted collapses onto the ice and a few ass-over-tea-kettle sprawls. The slides are really giving me problems. I think it's a combination of not having the flexibility needed along with my height and shaky balance.

After an hour with my new coach- whom I've dubbed THE PUNISHER, my legs were jello and my ego was deflated.

This is going to be a long road.

Learnin' to Fly Part 3

Learning can sometimes be a painful and humbling experience. Just ask me.

As I type this my knees are two lumps of hamburger and it hurts to wear pants of any kind. This is the result of some hard lessons learned over the past week in my transition to the butterfly technique.

How loose is too loose?

I have been operating under the mistaken impression that dropping down into the butterfly stance meant the pad was "rotating" around your leg as your knees made contact. After reading that many modern goalies strap their pads very loosely, I followed suit and basically had my new pads floating on my legs. This resulted in my knees completely missing the knee block of the pad and crashing directly onto the ice. After consulting with guru "Law Goalie" at ModSquadHockey, he corrected me on several issues.

Just to be clear, the idea that pads rotate is a confusion.  Watch any modern goalie demonstrating butterfly -- and almost any other -- save movements: the pads stay facing the puck at all times. What really happens is that the patella rotates 90 degrees behind the pad: from facing forward, through back of the pad, to facing down at the ice through the knee-block. 

 If your knees are missing the knee-block when you butterfly, it is probable that they are too loose *at the knee*.  The biggest mistake many people make in strapping pads is to tighten and loosen every strap proportionately.  The next time you're going on the ice, drop into the butterfly in the dressingroom and see if you can 'wiggle' your knee off the knee-block.  If you can, tighten those straps (Velcro elastic, leather, whatever) in various combinations until you can no longer 'fall off' the knee-block.

Armed with this knowledge and a new pair of Bauer goalie knee pads, I returned to the ice this past weekend and finally began to see some improvement in my technique.

Left: Old School drop down w/ Heatons    Right: Butterfly with newer Vaughns

I've also improved my stance by widening my skate position and loosening up my old back muscles and getting into a better (poopypants) crouch. I've still got miles and miles to go towards getting skilled in the butterfly but I can now report my first progress.

Left: Heaton pads too small, very little crouch   Right: Wider stance, better crouch

Learnin' to Fly Part 2

After waiting for USPS to get their sh*t together, I finally received my first set of "butterfly" style pads, snagged on Ebay for a good price.

Vaughn Velocity 7000- front

I researched these pads and, though I cannot verify the age, I believe they're about 10 years old. If anyone has more information of the history of the 7000s in the "V" blood line, please let me know.

I immediately rushed out to a "drop-in hockey" session at my local rink- determined to begin my transition from "stand-up" to "butterfly"

It didn't go according to plan

I have been watching a lot of YouTube instructional videos leading up to this point but after getting on the ice and trying to execute some butterfly saves, I learned three things:

1. In my mind, my stance is widened out enough for a small bus to drive through. In reality, my stance is only slightly more open than my normal stand-up ready position. This is making it almost impossible to drop the pads into a position that is facing the shooter.

2. My mind simply isn't responding with an order for my body to drop down when a shot is headed towards me. I'm not talking about ear-whistlers, I mean blue-line shots at ice level. Instead of the butterfly, I continue to use the stick/pad kick drilled into me those many years ago. This brain malfunction really frustrates me.

Vaughn Velocity 7000- back

3. When I did force myself to drop to the ice, instead of landing on my knee stacks and turning the pad onto its side, I'm simply flopping the pads down flat with my skates behind me- perfectly exposing my knees and thighs to the incoming shot. This is hardly surprising since my stance isn't nearly wide enough for the top of the pads to drop down & line up.

Learning this new technique is going to take time and practice. Clearly the two biggest hurdles I'm facing are becoming confortable in what I now call "poopy-pants" stance and learning not to kick my skates behind me- instead "popping" my knees down and to the inside.

The week did end on a high note with my I-League team getting our first victory of the season in a decisive 6-2 score. I executed dozens of failed butterflys and it is a small miracle I didn't take a shot to my knees. In all honesty, I was sweating the 4 goal lead right through the last minute of the 3rd period.

Back to the rink this weekend to work on my "poopy-pants" stance!

Learnin' to Fly Part 1

After accepting some hard truths, I decided that the next step in my return to hockey was to transition from an old school "stand-up" goalie towards the modern "butterfly" technique used exclusively in today's game.

I scoured Ebay and my local Craigslist for suitable pads- namely something made after the turn of the century that would serve as my transition pads. What I quickly realized was that I didn't have the vocabulary of the modern goaltender and I knew less than squat about modern pads.

I set out to get educated and landed on the small but extremely knowledgable community at ModSquadHockey.com . Senior member, "Law Goalie" not only answered all of my questions about modern pad design, he guided me through the creation of a pad anatomy diagram. I hope this illustration is a help to anyone wanting to learn more about modern goalie pads.

Acknowedgement- Law Goalie at ModSquadHockey.com

With my new found knowledge I continued my quest for replacement pads for my Manny Fernandez customized Heaton pads, circa when-baby-jesus-was-born.

Ebay don't fail me now!

Hard Truth

I'm headed towards week two of my first Instructional League session and having now been on ice 3 times with full gear and looking at some pictures and video, I'm realizing a hard truth.

"Stand-Up" Goalies are Dinosaurs

In the late seventies when I learned to play hockey, no coach was teaching anything but traditional, stand-up goaltending technique. This method focused on mobility, challenging shooters and above all else, going down to the ice only when players were in your crease with the puck.

Stand Up

Today nobody teaches or uses anything but some variation of the Butterfly technique and there's a good reason. Net coverage with the Butterfly is vastly superior with the bottom portion of the net almost completely covered. Today's light-weight materials used in goal pads allows the drop-down/pop-up movements more viable than the heavier and bulkier old-school pads.

Butterfly

As for me, while some of my old-school techniques are starting to come back to me, the reality is that these heavy, old pads have to go and I've got to begin learning a new style of goaltending. I plan to begin integrating the Butterfly style into my game and it will begin with using a hybrid pad that is constructed in a way unfamiliar to my game.

I should have my new pads later this week and will post about my transition.

I-League Week 1

The players have been divided up and last night my team was scheduled for play week 1 of the new season.

I was uncertain how much "instruction" and how much play would be involved but our coach announced in the locker room that tonight would be a full game. He would be using tonight to see where each of us needed improvement and next week would be "practice".

I took to my crease, ready for my first full game in 25 years. It took just 25 minutes to learn the following;

1. My beginner butterfly stance looks more like a caterpillar.
2. It takes approximately 5 shots in a 5 minute span to leave me gasping for air.
3. I-League defenseman don't really worry about opponents coming out from behind the net.
4. A team with only 7 skaters does a lot standing around in the 3rd period.

My net had the bulk of the action during the first two periods and I was really having trouble catching my breath. I am going to have to drop some weight and work on my cardio if I'm going to be able to give 100% through an entire game.

I let in 2 goals in the first and a 3rd in the second period before my team got on the board. Two of them were slap/scramble plays that found their way in probably because I haven't got my pads spread out across the net when down in the butterfly- something I'll be working on.

Suddenly with only a few minutes left in the second period, the referee raises his hand and indicates an interference penalty against my team. I mentally steel myself for the onslaught of shots. Only after a moment of confusion do I realize that in this league, all penalties result in a penalty shot- not a two minute man advantage.

The next few minutes are a blur. A white-jersey starts from center ice. My coach is screaming, "challenge him!". I move forward and then start my slow retreat, mirroring the skaters advance. He makes a weak move to my right but I see hes a right-handed shot and guess he will move back to his forehand. He does! As he takes his shot I go the ice with my pads stacked and block his shot. No Goal!

This was the highlight of my night's play that otherwise was just a loss and an 0-1 start for my team.

I have got to hit the gym. I had forgotten just how much work it is to mind the pipes.

This video taken by my friend Paul documents the last two saves of the night.

And the Trumpets Blared Part 2

We jump right into a scrimmage. Three 20 minute periods. The other goalies and I hash it out by the boards and decide we'll split each period into halves and switch out after each.

I choose to sit the first half period out and watch from the bench. I'm eager to evaluate the talent and see if I'm over my head after so many years out of the game. It takes me about 3 minutes.

The hockey is terrible and the realization trumpets in my head with delight.

Whatever reservations and doubts I have quickly vanish as I realize that theres a very good reason this is called the Instructional League. Most of the forward skaters do fine in straight lines but hard turns are only wishful thinking. Puck handling consists of pushing the puck ahead with the vaguest notions of control. Passes are of the general location type and the overall speed of the game is a bit faster than a public skate.

Soon the first 10 minutes are up and suddenly I'm skating towards my net. A passing gloved high-five with the starting goalie and I'm in the crease!

The whistle blows and I'm playing. I follow the action with razor focus and have to check my posts about 30 times a minute. My built-in radar from those many years ago seems to have vanished but still I'm in the game and moving.

My first save is a weak push from the top of the circle and I direct it towards the corner with my stick. I've passed the first shot, first save test and I am quietly relieved. 5 minutes into my debut and I'm huffing and puffing like a locomotive. I don't remember being up and down so much in my earlier days.

 "I stick out my right leg in a flash as the shot hits my skate..."

Suddenly a 2-1 break towards my net! Never mind that I could have sipped some coffee before they made it inside my blue line, I was ready. The puck carrier moved to my left and the lone d-man followed. The puck is passed across the net to my right and the waiting shooter. I stick out my right leg in a flash as the shot hits my skate and stops inside my crease. I scramble to cover and the whistle blows. The shooter says, "good save goalie". My teammates tap my pads as I stand up. The game continues. The smile on my face was invisible behind the mask but it was wide.

I undress after the game and head out into the cold. I played 30 minutes total and let none in on a dozen shots. I drive home and share every detail with Amy.

I came back to hockey.

Pause for Effect

If you are reading this in order, no doubt you are squirming in your chair. Wondering what happened on my first night back from a 25 year goaltending hiatus. I ask for your indulgence as I ponder the emotions that poured out of me that night.

I am a happy guy. I'm successful by many standards. I have a well-paying job with a growing company. I have two fantastic, happy and well-adjusted daughters. I have a wonderful partner who I love and who loves me back.

So why should a whimsical decision to return to hockey after so many years get my juices flowing like nothing else in recent years?

Redemption.

There are many things I've done or left undone in life. Some because of outside circumstances and some because I was younger, less experienced and less disciplined. Most of those things can never be revisited or recaptured. You don't get a re-do on many of things that happen.

As I've gotten older, I've gotten physically stronger and mentally tougher. While these traits aren't a substitute for talent they've served me well in my efforts to play competitive tennis. My opponents may beat me but I almost always out work them on court. This also helps me in business. I haven't risen to the ranks of a senior manager of a Fortune 500 company but I have been able to gain the respect of people I work for and work with. I can be a hard-nosed SOB when it comes to doing what I think is right. I am a competitor- more so as I've gotten older.

"You don't get a re-do on many of things that happen."

Taking the ice that night gave me an opportunity for redemption. Not because of a well of untapped talent that was squandered in my youth. I realized at a very early age I didn't have enough to become a prospect. But because I know in my gut that I never really fought very hard to get the most out of what I had when I was 14. Instead I resigned myself to simply being a participant and didn't exhibit the kind of metal toughness that would have resulted in a much better player.

It's not about becoming something I should have been. It's about finding out what I am now and getting self-satisfaction for leaving everything out there today- something I didn't do back then.

Don't most of us want that chance?