Damn I Miss It

I miss playing hockey.

In mid February I got tripped up and fell while skating out. I’ve fallen countless times in many ways over the years but never got seriously injured. I fell to the ice with my right arm extended and now I’ve got a torn tendon in my rotator cuff.

I was given a choice– surgery now or endure months of physical therapy with no guarantee which could still end with surgery. I’ve chosen physical therapy. There’s a chance I could be back playing sooner than the surgery route. I want that chance.

The winter season is almost over and for the first time, I’ve got three Puck Hawgs teams in three different divisions and it was such a blast getting to play on all of them. I’ve been playing net on two Hawgs teams (B & C) and skating out on the other (D). My net game for the first six games of the season was some of the best I’ve played and my Hawgs B team was off to a 6-0 start. Then the season came to an end for me.

I still get out to almost every game. I carry the puck bag, stand behind the bench and cheer and carry sticks back to the locker room after the games end. Next week, I’ll hand out each team’s MVP trophy to one of the players and watch as my teams fight for a championship. I smile and encourage my players and I watch as someone else takes the net for my teams but deep down I just feel disappointment.

I am not special. As I previously wrote, injuries are a part of hockey and nobody should be surprised that you get banged up playing a contact sport. Many teammates and hockey friends have asked me how I’m doing and so many of them have their own injury story. Knee, off three months, Hand, off four months. Achilles, off six months. The list goes on. I don’t know why but It never seemed likely to me that I’d miss time due to a long-term injury. I’ve gone through bad knees, busted ribs and other things that kept me out for a week or two but in the almost 7 years since coming back, I’ve dodged anything that keeps me out longer. Now here it is.

So I head off to PT a few times a week and try to lift a 1-pound weight a little higher each visit. I go to the rink with my jersey on and watch as my teams win and lose. I want to be around them and feel that connection that beer league hockey gives– that sense of community.

I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself but damn I miss playing hockey.

How Did I Get Here?

In a few days I'll take the ice and stand in net for a playoff game with my Puck Hawgs as we face the top team in the 'A' division.

It's almost six years since I came to hockey after a twenty-five year hiatus and reading my post from 2013, I was excited and nervous about putting on goalie gear again and wondering if I could find a team. I was resurrecting my hockey life by joining an instructional league and I knew almost nobody who played hockey in Dallas-Fort Worth.

At 53 years old have I blossomed into a top division goalie? No. Let's be honest. I have good nights and bad nights and I mostly don't embarrass myself whether its a 'C', 'B' or even 'A' division game. Like most goalies, probably more than most, I ride the tide of my teammates. I battle hard with whatever skills I have learned and the experience I've gained playing somewhere north of 750 games since coming back. But it's my teammates that do the heavy lifting when we win and I try my best not to let them down.

That's the secret as to why I played 10 games in the 'A' division this season and why I'll be standing there in a few nights hoping we can sneak a win by the top team. I don't remember a single time in any of those 750+ games where I didn't get the support of my teams whether it was a tap on the pads after I let a bad goal go by or a comment in the locker room that talked about a bad bounce or bad play by them- never blaming me. And it's their play that has taken my teams to championships and higher and higher divisions because they hustle, they have skills and play like a team.

"Getting all the support on a 3-on-0"

I doubt they know, all of those players on all of those teams, how grateful I am for being able to play net those nights. For being able to enjoy being on a team. For wins and losses and beer and laughs and for being able to compete.

I had my wish fulfilled. It wasn't to play 'A' league.

It's not about becoming something I should have been. It's about finding out what I am now and getting self-satisfaction for leaving everything out there today- something I didn't do back then. Don't most of us want that chance?
-Ancient Netminder, January 2013