Damn I Miss It

I miss playing hockey.

In mid February I got tripped up and fell while skating out. I’ve fallen countless times in many ways over the years but never got seriously injured. I fell to the ice with my right arm extended and now I’ve got a torn tendon in my rotator cuff.

I was given a choice– surgery now or endure months of physical therapy with no guarantee which could still end with surgery. I’ve chosen physical therapy. There’s a chance I could be back playing sooner than the surgery route. I want that chance.

The winter season is almost over and for the first time, I’ve got three Puck Hawgs teams in three different divisions and it was such a blast getting to play on all of them. I’ve been playing net on two Hawgs teams (B & C) and skating out on the other (D). My net game for the first six games of the season was some of the best I’ve played and my Hawgs B team was off to a 6-0 start. Then the season came to an end for me.

I still get out to almost every game. I carry the puck bag, stand behind the bench and cheer and carry sticks back to the locker room after the games end. Next week, I’ll hand out each team’s MVP trophy to one of the players and watch as my teams fight for a championship. I smile and encourage my players and I watch as someone else takes the net for my teams but deep down I just feel disappointment.

I am not special. As I previously wrote, injuries are a part of hockey and nobody should be surprised that you get banged up playing a contact sport. Many teammates and hockey friends have asked me how I’m doing and so many of them have their own injury story. Knee, off three months, Hand, off four months. Achilles, off six months. The list goes on. I don’t know why but It never seemed likely to me that I’d miss time due to a long-term injury. I’ve gone through bad knees, busted ribs and other things that kept me out for a week or two but in the almost 7 years since coming back, I’ve dodged anything that keeps me out longer. Now here it is.

So I head off to PT a few times a week and try to lift a 1-pound weight a little higher each visit. I go to the rink with my jersey on and watch as my teams win and lose. I want to be around them and feel that connection that beer league hockey gives– that sense of community.

I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself but damn I miss playing hockey.

How Did I Get Here?

In a few days I'll take the ice and stand in net for a playoff game with my Puck Hawgs as we face the top team in the 'A' division.

It's almost six years since I came to hockey after a twenty-five year hiatus and reading my post from 2013, I was excited and nervous about putting on goalie gear again and wondering if I could find a team. I was resurrecting my hockey life by joining an instructional league and I knew almost nobody who played hockey in Dallas-Fort Worth.

At 53 years old have I blossomed into a top division goalie? No. Let's be honest. I have good nights and bad nights and I mostly don't embarrass myself whether its a 'C', 'B' or even 'A' division game. Like most goalies, probably more than most, I ride the tide of my teammates. I battle hard with whatever skills I have learned and the experience I've gained playing somewhere north of 750 games since coming back. But it's my teammates that do the heavy lifting when we win and I try my best not to let them down.

That's the secret as to why I played 10 games in the 'A' division this season and why I'll be standing there in a few nights hoping we can sneak a win by the top team. I don't remember a single time in any of those 750+ games where I didn't get the support of my teams whether it was a tap on the pads after I let a bad goal go by or a comment in the locker room that talked about a bad bounce or bad play by them- never blaming me. And it's their play that has taken my teams to championships and higher and higher divisions because they hustle, they have skills and play like a team.

"Getting all the support on a 3-on-0"

I doubt they know, all of those players on all of those teams, how grateful I am for being able to play net those nights. For being able to enjoy being on a team. For wins and losses and beer and laughs and for being able to compete.

I had my wish fulfilled. It wasn't to play 'A' league.

It's not about becoming something I should have been. It's about finding out what I am now and getting self-satisfaction for leaving everything out there today- something I didn't do back then. Don't most of us want that chance?
-Ancient Netminder, January 2013

Big Oooof

I can barely believe it's been four months since my last update and oh what an update it is!

The spring season ended without a championship for any of my teams but playoffs were fun and the summer season has already started.

I've been tracking my 2019 games and passed 100 in early July with just over half of those in net. The GAA and Save % stats are taking a beating but I'll save the summary for the end of the year. I think I'll get close to 200 total games if I stay injury free.

Oh ya, I got all new goalie gear! My vehicle was stolen in June and inside were my pads and sticks (Big Oooof) while the rest of my gear was inside my garage. RIP those beautiful all-red CCM Retroflex pads. I've given up hope of ever seeing them again.

I made a trip to Goalie Monkey in Allen, Texas and was helped through the process of buying my first ever all-new set by Chris Dudo and Sam Solomon. After a few hours and trying a bunch of brands and models, I decided to pull the trigger on the CCM Koho Revolution 599 with matching glove and blocker and got a sweet deal. You can read more about them here and here.

I've played a handful of times with the new set at the time of this post and I can say I am in love with the strapping system the reduced weight and the seal on the ice. I've had several fellow goalies tell me I look more mobile and quick wearing this setup.

To go along with my new gear, I received my GGSU raffle prize from Ray at New Image Goalie Masks– a custom made Shark 954 Classic Pro.

I've been using my CCM 9000 for about three years and moving into this Shark was amazing. The fit is perfect and I've already taken a few clappers to the face without any vibration or ringing. Can't say enough about how much I like this mask so far. Thank you Ray for the great prize!

Finally I ordered some new sticks from Jonathan Ayla at Lonestar Hockey– who is a good friend to me the DFW hockey community. He has a good selection of player sticks and I've grown to love his goalie sticks after saying goodbye to the last of my Sherwood T-120s. Hit him up if you are local.

So will all this new gear thrust my game to new heights of beer league excellence? So far I'm 1-3 with a GAA north of 6 in them but I'm quick to say that a carpenter never blames his tools. I love this new gear and a huge thanks to everyone who helped me along the way.

Another Shot at Beer League Glory

I've been lazy with updates so far in 2019 but today I'll jot down a few random thoughts that have been with me recently.

Once More Into The Fray

Tonight the Puck Hawgs are back into the playoff bracket with another chance at securing a championship. Since moving to a new rink 4 seasons ago, we've been in the running and lost 3 consecutive finals in what has become the toughest division we've played in our history as a team.

Our lineup is impressive with potent scoring and terrific defense and I struggle worrying that I am the weak link. Scanning the stats in the division, I sit mid-pack in GAA and no goalie has recorded a shutout but tonight as we take the ice for our first round game I hope that I can elevate my game to keep the pressure off my guys. I don't want them to have to score 7 just to have a chance at the win.

Not-So-Big-Al

Lots of people call me "Big Al" in net but recently another team in the Puck Hawgs division added a new goalie– a transplant from up north I've heard. The kid is massive. 6'6" is my best guess and he plays a style not that different from my own. I think I will try and reach out to him and see if he's interested in a profile on this blog.

Responsible Skaters

I got absolutely destroyed in a game this week. A player on a break away skated full speed into me as I met him at the crease. The main point of contact was my head and two days later I'm still not feeling like myself. Whether or not I have suffered a concussion isn't the point. If you are playing beer league hockey knowing that every single one of us has to get up and go to work in the morning, why would you risk injuring yourself and someone else by skating out of control? Do me and every other player who pays to play hockey a favor. Play within your skill level.

New Bucket

I was lucky enough to win a raffle prize from GGSU (Goalie Gear Sluts United)– a Facebook group for tendies– who raise money for good causes every year. My prize was a custom bucket from New Image (http://www.newimagegoaliemask.com/) and I've reached out to them to ask for some photos of the mask in production. My hope is to share some information about the build process along with the final product. I'm really excited to see how it turns out and I may need to reach out to Skinfx (https://www.facebook.com/Skinfxwraps/)for a new wrap once it arrives.

11 months

"Shut out" **&&**&!!$%@!@#!!

Any game that I get through a period or two without letting a puck past, these two simple words pop into my head followed by silent cursing for once again jinxing myself because inevitably, usually sooner than later, a goal gets scored that wipes away the chance for a shut out.

I titled this entry "11 months" but honestly it could be even longer since I've registered a shut out in beer league hockey across multiple teams, good and bad.

This week I was between the pipes for a team that probably (I'm being kind here) is closer to the bad side of the scale and one that I've been lit up for as many as 7 goals in a game this season. As usual we needed to grab sub players from an earlier game which left half the team gassed before the puck dropped. We were playing one of the top teams in the division and although they were also short-benched, I gave us 10-1 odds of getting a win.

The first puck I faced that night was a break away by one of the best players and after biting pretty hard on a deke, I stuck out my right leg as he cut across and the puck bounced harmlessly away. After that, it was the usual workload of shots and constant pressure in our zone.

At some point in the second period we were up 2-0 and once again my brain does its thing... "Shut out" **&&**&!!$%@!@#!!. I tried to ignore my inner voice but I knew I was once again doomed.

The game rolled along and we scored two more. I wasn't sure how exactly this was happening but somehow I kept stopping pucks and my team kept scoring. Now the clock ticked down to a minute left but I knew it wouldn't hold. Sure enough a turnover in the other zone led to an odd-man rush with a shot rocketing to my blocker side. I made the stop and my guys cleared the zone.

It was happening! A shut out after so many months and countless games. I let myself believe and with 5 seconds left, the other team dumped the puck over our blue line as both teams waited for the final horn.

Almost like a nightmare, a buddy and former team mate now playing on the opposing team decided to make a rush for the puck. With nobody on my team still skating, he came in on the right side and with just a couple of seconds left he wound up for a slapper that screamed low to my glove side and... I made the save.

Shut out recorded.

Last year when I had my mask wrapped by Skinfx, I decided I'd leave the backplate empty. I plan on recording my final shut out back there when I retire from playing net. Will it read, "Hockey Team 5 - MIB 0 12-19-18"? I really don't know but I know I'm writing that down now because for this Ancient Netminder, shut outs don't come along very often.

What's Wrong With You?

Tonight is the last game of another fall season and my Puck Hawgs are again in the league championship and I'll be there between the pipes fighting for the win.

I woke up this morning feeling battered and bruised and every day of my 52 years. I'm currently favoring a twisted right knee, a bruised left kneecap, two sore fingers on my right hand, a shoulder that hurts when I lift my arm and a fresh bruise on my right ankle bone.

I am not special.

It shouldn't be a surprise that you get banged up playing a contact sport on ice four to five nights a week with only a week or two off the ice a few times a year. The beer league seasons roll one into the other and I don't know a single player who likes those weeks without hockey.

It's kind of a strange thing that beer league players choose to hand over hard-earned money to play a game that inevitably results in a variety of bumps, bruises and sometimes serious injuries and yet they do come back– night after night, season after season.

Two nights ago during our semi-final game, one of the players on the opposing team took a high stick to his face, cutting his nose and spilling blood all over the ice. While the refs cleaned up the blood, he went to locker room and slapped on a makeshift bandage and returned to the game. In the handshake line, his face was caked with blood and he had a smile on his face.

I've seen players finish games with broken fingers and even cracked bones. My wife broke her ankle on the ice and still plays a couple nights of week. My best friend broke his leg and was back playing as soon as he could get the OK from his doctor. I couldn't roll over in bed for the better part of a month with cracked ribs but missed only 3 games out 18 that month. Every week, the roster of any given team has players missing with injury or playing with one and yet they keep coming back. They keep playing.

Why?

Is it the "tough guy" reputation of hockey? Is it the strong conviction of being on a team and never wanting to let them down? Does hockey draw in people who have a lesser sense of self-preservation? Is the passion of playing hockey greater than other sports?

I can't say why but tonight I'll show up to play hockey with my pals and I'll do my best. I might wince getting up off the ice and I might even play a little handicapped but it would take more than aches, pains and bruises to keep me off the ice and the crazy thing is that playing alongside me are guys who are doing the same– and paying to do it every week.

So Clutch

Another win in the books for the Puck Hawgs.

Six games in a row so far this season after dropping our first and this one wasn't easy. I came out that night feeling pretty confident about my game but just as quickly we were down 4-1 early in the second period after a lucky deflection, a partial screen, a break away and one other that I'm sure was my fault.

It didn't help things as I watched the opposing goalie all but standing on his head to make save after save. He ended up seeing about 50 shots that night.

So there I stood hanging my head in self-loathing about my own play when my guys finally broke through and scored a couple of goals to get the game close. I didn't have a lot of work in the third despite a couple of penalty kills.

With about 5 minutes left we tied things up and I knew there would be a big push coming. I tried to buckle down. With a minute and change to go there was a scramble behind the net when the puck came out to the slot and an opposing player got half a blade on it. The puck was headed to the far side corner when I extended my leg and just managed to get a toe on it with my D man right there to sweep it out of danger. That's as close as it gets so it was off to a shoot out.

Some nights you get a chance to redeem yourself and come up with a couple of stops that can make you forget the softies and the bad bounces. This was that night as I was able to come up with two good saves and my guys scored two to make the comeback complete.

After the game I had an exchange on Facebook with one of my excellent defenseman who reminded me that even if you, by all rights, have given a game away you can still get that win and the rest will be long forgotten.

Defenseman: You better take credit for shutting the door late in the game, and during the shootout.
Me: It's hard for me and maybe most goalies to see the good for all the bad but I am really happy how I played the shootout because you guys did all the work to get us back into the game and scored 2 of 3 in the shootout. Glad I could do my part.
Defenseman:I think all goalies are that way, which is why it’s the D’s responsibility to hit them over the head with it :)

Clutch? I'm not ready to say that.

Proving Something to the Boys

I know it's been a while since I updated my blog. Life has been crazy this year. Vacations, moving, kids and work all get in the way of playing hockey and squeezing in time to write down a few thoughts.

My 'B' team has been rolling along at the new rink. We made it to the finals last season but lost in a crazy game that saw the opposing goalie break his ankle. We are now moving into the playoffs for the summer season and get another crack (no pun intended).

One of the teams I sometimes skate out for at another rink are also in the playoffs in their division. That team is made up of about 75% of the same guys that play on the Puck Hawgs, my 'B' team. I have no business skating out with them but they let me sub in when they are short-handed.

Last night before their playoff game, the coordinator of the opposing team reached out and asked if I would play net. That meant I'd be playing against almost the entire roster of guys who play in front of me week in and week out. I agreed.

I knew getting dressed in the locker that this team didn't stand much of a chance against them. The skill level didn't match up. Somehow it made it easier to relax and I decided it might be a chance to show the guys from the Puck Hawgs that this old goalie was still up to a challenge.

*Spoiler Alert*

We lost 5-0.

Me and my buddy Sean faced each other in net.

I left the rink smiling because I played about as well as I can, allowing mostly goals that were backside one-timers that I will never make a save on. I faced down a breakaway from one of the best, stopped a few in tight and made a few of the guys shout in frustration. But facing my own guys gave me a new appreciation of how much speed and skill they have and a small wince for all the goalie's that face them in our division.

I asked a few of them after the game what playing against me was like when they normally play in front of me.

"The one shot I scored on you, you were laid over on your side not looking at me and I tapped your helmet but I don’t think you realized it". - Anonymous Hawg #1

"I missed a far side corner and told you that spot was open as I skated by". -Anonymous Hawg #2

"...but you’re huge so I knew if I got in close we needed to make passes to get you on the ice and moving. And shoot a lot so you get tired." - Anonymous Hawg #3

Ouch.

When you are close to celebrating your 53rd birthday and play every week with a roster of mostly twenty-somethings, its not always easy to convince yourself that you are able to hang with them. Add to that an unhealthy dash of self doubt that comes with playing the goalie position and its not hard to see why you might be worried you are the weakest link.

Last night was an eye-opener and I think I'll appreciate the team that gets those wins for me all the more. But I also walked a little taller going home last night. I figure I showed a few of them that I'm not done yet. Or maybe they just went easy on me.

Smile On My Face

I've been struggling in net since returning from an overseas vacation and even before, this season hasn't gone the way I expected.

Part of it is fatigue and lack of focus on my part– we rolled directly into a new season while still finishing off the previous one while the Puck Hawgs changed rinks. We also have a lot of new faces on the roster and it takes time to rebuild the chemistry our team had for many seasons before. I was feeling pretty down about my game and as expected, that showed on the ice– a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

Last week we went into the game sitting mid-pack in our division with a 4-2 record which doesn't sound all that bad but I know that both those losses were partly because of my poor play. It's funny how many bad bounces and redirected pucks find their way into the net when you aren't feeling good about your game.

But last Friday was different. Lifted up by the return of one of our all-time best players and a full bench of players, my mood was sunny and I seemed to forget the tired legs, sore groin and grumpy disposition. I felt strong and mobile and was tracking the puck better than I have in a long time. Wouldn't you know it? I played like I belonged out there.

Skating out on some teams highlights the difference to me between goalies and other positions. When I have a bad night skating out it means I might not score or my passes are off line but there's a dozen or so other players out there to cover up my mistakes. When I play in net and I have a bad game, it often means the difference between a win and a loss.

The struggle with confidence and a positive attitude is real for this goalie but somehow I've got to remember how much it can mean to my play and the outcome of a game.

Two Sides to Every Break Away

One of the most read entries of this blog was my post from September of 2013 titled, "The Break Away". In it I tried to describe the action and what goes on in my head as the play happens.

In a game last week I somehow managed to stop a break away and I was curious what the shooter was thinking while I'm in a state of panic and reaction. I reached out to the opposing player and he was nice enough to indulge me. Thank you to Gary "Gino" Lassen of the Brew Crew.

AN: Midway through the second period and the game was still in the balance when a bad shift change left our blue line wide open in the middle. I spotted one of their fastest forwards pick up the puck and head towards my net. In a flash he was across the blue line and into our zone.

Gino: I don’t exactly remember how I picked up the break away, I think someone had sauced a pass up the middle as one of your defenseman pinched on the wall? Not too sure.

AN: This play, like many break aways didn't develop in a way that let's me analyze the threat and set up with options. When a break away happens like this I barely have time to get moving towards the shooter and start trying to pick up anything I can use to make a save.

Gino: My initial thought was to shoot. First instinct was top right, I already had the puck on my forehand (right handed) and I thought I could clear it.

AN: I saw him carrying the puck right-handed to my glove side which made me a little more confident. I saw that he was coming in head-on which cut down the options I had to cover. I was pretty sure he was going to shoot because of how fast he was heading to the net.

Gino: As I saw you square up, I decided at the last minute that I'd shoot down low, seeing as you had the top covered. It was too late for a deke and I had too much speed to try, I would have lost the puck.

AN: That left me guessing it was going to be a glove side shot and that's what I decided to play. Or else it was going to be a blocker side shot, or five-hole, or a deke. You see the problem.

He shot quickly and I dropped to the butterfly just as quickly but kept my gloves forward and high. I didn't really track the puck well at all but felt it hit some part of my glove and then I had no idea where it was. I looked down and saw the puck sitting between my pads like a chick in a nest and knew I'd made the save.

Gino: If I had that same opportunity, I don't think much would change. It would be up to chance again. That kind of opportunity with that speed and little amount of time, I’d more than likely always try to shoot it and a solid goalie will see that and be able to shut it down.


I think that this two-sided narrative in different scenarios including saves and goals is fascinating and I will try to get other players to contribute when I can coax them into the spotlight.

Thanks again to Gino for his help with the entry.

The Ceiling

The shot came from the right face-off circle. It was a low snap shot that I dropped down for as it clapped off my stick blade and straight up into the air. I spotted an enemy forward heading towards the spot the puck would be coming back down to earth so I decided to swing my stick into the air and knock it away. I made solid contact and propelled the puck back over my head and into the net. That was the 12th goal but it's not the story of the night.

The first goal was a rocket that beat me blocker side even after I moved above my crease to meet the shooter.

The second goal was...

Alright, I can't remember every goal of a 15-5 loss last night but something became even clearer in my mind. I have found the ceiling in my game.

By a series of comedic errors, the Puck Hawgs ended up playing in the top division in a recent state tournament and we played against ex-college and junior players and I got beaten early and often. I saw pucks go by me in tight spaces over my shoulder, slap shots that I had no chance of ever catching up to and moves in tight that left me lost and confused.

Last night in league play my team faced the top team in our division– again due to a comedy of errors we are playing against teams we weren't meant to. Again I watched as shots beat me with speed, accuracy and skill that I am just not good enough to stop.

Here is where I make a comment about how hockey is a team game and how the goalie is the last line of defense after the 5 players in front of him have done what they can but there's also another truth. I have found my ceiling.

Finding that limit stings my ego but this blog can't be just stories of all the good things that happen to me or it won't be an honest accounting of my return to hockey. For now I need to accept that my skills and abilities don't match up with some players who had college or junior careers. I don't have the tools or athleticism to hang with a few of the best players you can face in beer league.

I'll keep fighting against the ceiling and try to enjoy everything about my time in net for as long as this journey lasts. After all, 15 is a new high score. Time to celebrate.

Beer League Imposters

That's my buddy Zach on the left, standing next to me after a recent 'B' division game. He filled in for a team that didn't have a goalie for the game– a common occurrence that keeps goalies on the ice up to 7 nights a week if you want.

If you asked him, he'd tell you he's a solid 'D' division goaltender with aspirations to play full-time in 'C'. He'd tell you he's no 'B' goalie and has no business playing at that level. In this game he was an imposter.

When I came back to play net I struggled to relearn the position. Butterfly wasn't something in my vocabulary and my first few seasons were mired in beginner divisions. I struggled mightily and so did my teams. A little time passed and I started relearning the fundamentals, invested in modern equipment and was able to sub for a few teams in 'D' and eventually 'C'. Each time I played a game in a higher division I felt like an imposter. I had no business playing net in games where skaters could control the puck, shoot harder and faster and knew their own positions.

Today I mostly play in upper divisions including a state tournament in the 'A' division (a tale for another day) and playing with my regular teams I don't feel like an imposter anymore. That's because I have a team of guys who support me on and off the ice and they have come to trust me to be at least as good as a bale of hay in the crease on any given night.

I wouldn't be playing upper divisions without leaping into sub games and often failing. Each time I learned new things about the position and what it took to play. Eventually I stuck and now I get sub game offers from lots of upper teams.

Beer league goalies probably worry too much about letting teams down. I know I do. But most nights a team is just grateful they aren't skating 6 with nobody in net and so each of us should grab every opportunity to stretch our skills and find new limits. Be an imposter until you aren't.

How did Zach do in his first 'B' game? I was proud of my friend for taking the leap and he played a great game. I hope to see him in the opposing net again soon.

Falling Down a Mountain

Listen up beer league players. I'm going to lay down some wisdom you are going to want to hear.

Warm-ups are under way and you are either sniping your own goalie when he isn't looking or blasting slappers off the side boards. Do yourself a favor. Take 10 seconds and watch the opposing goaltender while he warms up.

Is he:
A. Drunk
B. Fat
C. Old

Pick any two and and it he fits, then I am going to give you the Recipe for a Win and maybe a goal or two off your own blade.

Playing goalie is exhausting. On a typical night, beer league goalies can see anywhere from 25 (low) to 60 (high) shots in a game. But watch your own goalie not the puck while you sit resting between shifts. For every shot that gets blocked or misses the net, at least half of the time he has to play it like its on net. Watch as he drops down to the ice as the puck goes down low and now he has to push from post to post as the puck cycles. Notice when it pops back to point, he's getting back onto his skates to square up for another possible shot. See how he has to shuffle across tracking the puck as it moves across the blue line? All of this takes a lot of energy.

Now imagine doing that for 30-60 seconds while your team fights for possession only to turn it over at your own blue line and the whole sequence starts again. Can't imagine it? Then strap on some goalie gear and go to a drop in.

To be certain there are young, fit beer league goalies who can play three back-to-back games and barely work up a sweat, I am not one of them and if you see someone like me instead of them in the warm up then here are your keys to victory:

• Shoot early and often– who cares if its 4 feet wide? The goalie will play it and it results in an up/down for him.
• Cycle the puck down low– Once he's down make him go side to side as much as possible.
• Back to the point– Now that he's down on the ice, get it back to the point and make him pop back up.
• Draw a penalty and repeat items above– its super effective when you are a man up.
• Retain possession in the offense zone for as long as possible to maximize the effect.

If the opposing goalie is like me, then after a period or two of this he will not only be pretty tired but he will begin questioning the choices that put him into net.

If you follow the Ancient Netminder's Recipe for Success, then by the start of the 3rd period, he's been tracking 40+ shots and gone down to the ice and back up roughly 65 times in 30 pounds of gear and starts making hard choices about just how dangerous your weak wrister from the dots looks to him. That's your time to shine! Your backdoor snow-shoveling shots will never have a greater chance of becoming game-winning goals. Your back-hander that wouldn't hurt a fly will become the hatty you've always chased. Your along-the-ice-because-you-never-learned-to-lift-a-slapper will become a dangerous and possibly unstoppable shot.

Just make sure the goalie is drunk, fat or old– I know every night I'm at least two of them.

Grateful for it All

Another calender year has come to a close and I am grateful for hockey.

In a few weeks, I will have been back playing for four years and hockey has changed so many things about my life. Sure it's still just a diversion from the everyday struggles of work and family but the influence is long-reaching and has been nothing but positive – if you don't count the injuries, aches and pains. It's a good trade-off.

Puck Hawgs Fall '17 Champs

In my travels through the local hockey community I've met so many good people. The good outweigh the bad by a huge margin and so many of them I get to see week after week at the rink and some have become "outside hockey" friends too. Never before have I had the support and friendship of so many.

Puck Hawgs Too Game Award

The year has resulted in a few league championships, some personal achievements and some setbacks but most of those are just like fireworks in the sky. The constant through the year is the joy and satisfaction of spending time with terrific friends and teammates.

The year concluded with another championship win for the first team I started. This was our 4th in 7 seasons and our second since moving to the Upper 'B' division. It also marks the end of our time with several players. Life still happens. Life takes people to different places and it always hurts a little when someone you spend time with each week won't be there next season.

This year was the first for another Puck Hawgs team that I started to bring back many of the players we started with three years ago. We managed our first league championship but more importantly, it was the chance to reconnect with just a few more of the friends made in my hockey journey.

Amy's Hat Trick with the Nordiques

There was the second annual Al Star Game- a birthday celebration which is just one more excuse to gather together some of the great people we know and love. Any excuse to share time is a good one.

Even more importantly, I continue to share my journey with family. I play alongside my beautiful wife twice a week and my cheerleading daughters come to cold rinks- often late at night to see their old dad play.

I could fill this blog with the details of gear I buy, aching losses and occasional highlights from an old goalie but this entry is a reminder to myself about just what hockey has brought me and it's a lot more than wins and losses. It's also a message to all those people who I get to share it with.

Thank you for hockey.

Funny Goalies

Recently I asked my goalie pals for some funny stories from the whacky world of beer league goaltending. Enjoy!

MM: Worst is definitely the time I went to catch a far ice dump-in on my stick and missed. Ahhh I-league.

ZW: When I was playing for the Stingers a player on the other team iced the puck on a penalty kill. I watched it hit the backboard and angle towards the crease. As it got there I dropped into the butterfly and kicked the puck into my own net. We lost by one goal

NM: When I started playing goalie, I knew nothing of the gear or levels in the metroplex. Bought a set of roller gear, player skates and joined a c league team up at Nytex....needless to say I lasted 3 games before they replaced me.

MM: The first time I played ever I tightened each strap very tight. Needless to say the pads didn't move the right way haha

TB: Had  Had Mexican food before a game and had baaaad gas. On a defensive face off just to the right of the crease the ref gets ready to drop the puck and as I get ready, rip a loud fart as I bend over. The ref and centers start laughing and he can't drop the puck. The ref looks at me and I apologize and we get ready for the puck drop. Repeat the process and this time loud enough to echo off the stands on the main rink at Nytex. My defenseman starts gagging and more laughter ensues. The other ref skates over and asks if I need to clean myself.
"I'm good"

DH Jr.: when I first started playing I thought it would be no big deal to play with my skater cup until I took a slapper off the right side late in the first period. Took a full period of my team playing with an empty net before I could recover enough to finish the game. Needless to say I had a goalie cup and pants by my next game...

SN: Once when I first staying playing back when I was 15 I forgot my cup and jock strap. Teammate gave me his cup and I tried to make a jock strap out of tape. Cup fell out a few times during that game. Another time during my first season or two my best friend was on another team. We were playing against each other and he was screening me. So I tried to give him a warning that I was going to belfour him. Shot comes in and goes 5 hole. I dropped my stick in the process while it was between his feet. Ref called interference on him and the goal was disallowed. Last one, maybe. There was a breakaway and my defenseman was sprinting to catch up. I don't recall if I stopped the puck or not but my defenseman plowed into me and flew into the net. Some how the net swayed while I was on my belly and fell forward on my back close to my neck. Everyone was silent but i heard my dad laughing shortly after I got up.

NM: How about my defenseman getting blown past like a pylon. The other teams best player is in on a breakaway, I stop the player and cover the puck, but said pylon defenseman can't stop on his headlong rush back to my crease. He tries to jump over me, knees me in the head and I get a concussion

AMcA: One of the worst things that I ever had happened to me while I was in net began with a play behind the net that ended with a player slashing me twice diagonally from behind the net across the throat, once as the whistle blew and once after. Another player shot the puck neatly into my glove while his buddy was slashing me across the throat the first time (which is horrifying as a Speech-Language Pathologist) and I quickly froze the puck and the whistle blew. Being the *ahem* petite goalie that I am I took umbrage to this whole procedure and proceeded to try to rip his spine out through his eye sockets. My defenseman grabbed me by the back of the jersey, yanked me away from him, then took my place pounding his face flat while I screamed obscenities at the window-licking fool. Needless to say that guy was meek as milk and didn't come within reach of my stick the rest of the game.

TB: I have been known to sing in the net. Especially on breakaways. Everything from I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts to Disney show tunes to opera. Makes the shooters loose concentration and everyone laugh.

JA Jr.:  My wife flew back to NC to take care of her mom who is still battling cancer. I had one of those stupid late Friday night games at Nytex on a Friday night. So, I grab the girls, pillows, blankets, foam matts, and head up to Nytex. Ryan ends up breaking the glass in warm ups. The puck finally drops at 1250!!! Game ends around 2am. My girls were dead asleep in the Nytex halls under the tables that look into the Brahmas rink. My wife was not super thrilled when she found out.

TB: NYTEX. Was playing C Lower for the Scorpions playing the Dekes on the small rink. Was losing badly, like 9-1. The Dekes had 3 guys in the stands that were drunk as all get out continually chirping. To the point that Christina (scorekeeper) kept turning the music up to drown them out. Well, after the 10th goal or so, one of the guys said something and I snapped. As everyone was resetting for the faceoff in center ice, I start removing my gloves, helmet, etc headed to the door closest to Zuroma's (I was on the far side. So I had to cross the blue line and center ice tog et there. I was at the door trying to get it to open yelling at the guys that if they wanted some, I was going to oblige them. Both benches by now are trying to figure out what is going on and the refs are also. I can't get the door open and one of the refs gets my attention and politely asks me to return to my spot. I apologize for making a scene and the 3 guys, who took off during this when they saw I was coming for them, returned, only to be ejected by the refs. I get back and dressed and the face off occurs. the ref skates over a little while later and I apologize again and he says I should have been penalized for 2 minimum, probably a match. I acknowledge this and he smiles and says, don't worry about it.
Turns out the three guys in Zuroma's got harassed because everyone in there saw all of this unfold. they in turn got booted for drunk and disorderly I was told.
So not all refs are bad, mmm Kay

Hanging on and enjoying the ride

Its been three months since I updated this blog and a lot happened since my last.

Back in May I was feeling my game was eroding, my skills diminishing and maybe I was starting to let my teams down. It turned out to be a pretty good summer on the ice and maybe I'm settling in to the idea of enjoying the ride for as long as I can.

My Puck Hawgs finished the summer season 9-1 and won the league championship with a 6-3 win against one of the best teams in the division.

After feeling like my game was in serious decline, I seemed to get my head on straight and I played the second half of the season better than the first. I didn't find a fountain of youth or suddenly become lighter and faster but my mental attitude improved- in part from some terrific support from my team mates. A few words here and there make a difference. Knowing the rest of the team doesn't consider every goal a disaster and then watching them respond with heart and effort to put goals in the other net has an effect on my play and I'm guessing other beer league goalies out there.

What happens when you throw together a bunch of guys of mixed skill levels, who have never played together and all old as dirt? A tournament team! I played net for a summer 35+ tournament team called Old Milwaukee and we finished our run with the championship. Sure it only took us 5 games to get there but it was a terrific time with a fun bunch of men and women. My pal Paul and wife Amy joined me which made it all the better. After playing some really ragged games where I was sloppy, I went into the final game with a positive and confident attitude. I had to force myself to be in that mental state after an absolutely humiliating 9-8 overtime loss in the previous game. 45+ shots later, Old Milwaukee had the shutout for a 3-0 tournament win and I played as sharp as I have in months.

So maybe my game isn't on the rise. Maybe my age means every game is going to be a physical challenge and maybe I won't get to all the pucks I should. But maybe it's also about remaining positive, relying on my team mates and working harder not to feel like every goal and every game is entirely on my shoulders.

That seems to be working OK right now.

Maybe Its Time to Stop

There it was. The thought that popped into my head mid-way through the second period. It wasn't following a bad goal. It didn't happen after taking a puck to the knee or head. I was watching my defenseman skate the puck out of our zone and it just entered my head. Maybe its time to stop.

We are four games into the Puck Hawgs summer season and we have been doing well. 3 wins and 1 loss. Just 3 losses to 21 wins since we moved to the Upper 'B' division. But I've been struggling this season. My GAA has shot up and my save percentage has dropped below .900 for the first time in a while. This season the Hawgs aren't dominating but instead games are closer because I'm letting more pucks by me and more shots that beat me are because of my mistakes.

My skills are improving at a snail's pace. I recall when I first started playing again that each lesson opened up the potential for tremendous improvement. New stance, butterfly drops, butterfly pushes, C-cuts, they all took time to master but the improvement in my game was measurable and the results followed. For the past year or so, the only addition to my game has been the RVH and while I now use it in games, the improvement I want to see in that is painfully slow.

I am getting slower. I've been capturing a lot of video from my games and have been reviewing each with a critical eye. I've also compared them to some video captured two years ago and it is hard to dispute that my movements around the crease have slowed. I'm not getting up from the butterfly as quickly and where once I seemed to scramble my way to rebound saves, now I seem helpless to react to those plays that demand throwing your body and legs around the ice to make a desperation play.

I'm playing in survival mode. I just can't deny it. Games where the puck is my zone a lot or I see 30+ shots I am struggling to retain my technique. I'm often winded and I am in energy conservation mode earlier and earlier in games. I watch the video and see whatever speed and power I have in the third period of games is lacking compared to the first.

Solutions? Get stronger and get fitter. Practice more and play less. Don't be 50. Some of these may be easier to accomplish than others.

I had a recent conversation with my of my best friends on the team and let him know how I was feeling. I told him I thought maybe I was slipping into the category of goalie I never want to be... the goalie who gets eye-rolling reactions to letting in softies. The one who makes the team feel like they need to light up the scoreboard just to have a chance at a win. He reminded me of our win/loss record and that playing in this division means I see shots from players who boast a Jr. hockey or college career. I think I'm afraid of letting my guys down- the nature of a goalie. He told me I'm not.

I'm still having fun. I still look forward to every game with anticipation. I still get butterflies on game day and even though every game is a physical struggle I want to keep playing. Maybe I can commit to one more fitness rally and squeeze out a couple of more years. I know I want to. I also know that there is life beyond 50 for goalies but in my case it might not be at the level I'm playing.

I'm hoping for a rally.

Goalie Profile- Kolby Beam

Since my Puck Hawgs moved up to the 'B' division of men's hockey, I've gone up against several goalies that I hadn't seen before. Starting last season I began to notice a goaltender named Kolby Beam and I wanted to learn more about him.

His movements are quick, his rebound control is terrific and I've watched him keep his team in games where they were outshot 2-1. He often sees 40 or more shots from the Hawgs and yet every game is a battle- sometimes we don't come out on top. I am envious of his smooth transitions and sliding as I continue to try and improve that part of my own game. Of course he's probably 25+ years younger than I am but when it comes to on-ice competition, that can't be an excuse. I want to become as good as Kolby and hold my team in games like he often does.

I sent him some questions and he was nice enough to share some of his story.

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TAN: Tell us about your start in hockey. Did you begin in net or when did you catch the bug?

KB: I knew I wanted to play goalie since I was about 3 years old. My dad played goalie so of course I wanted to play goalie. My first tryout in Mini Mites my mom was trying to help out on all the goalie gear. She had never even touched hockey gear in her life! I ended up going on the ice without a cup. I took a shot to the nuts and so I ended playing forward my first year. I switched to goalie full time in Mites with a nice large cup!

TAN:  What are some of your best memories from when you started out?

KB: I definitely remember my first shutout. It came in Squirt and both my parents missed it because they had to work. I told them to stop coming to my games after that!

TAN:  Tell us more about your playing career. I see you out on the ice a lot playing in Men's 'A' and 'B' divisions. Where else have you played?

KB: I played for a few AA travel teams in the Dallas-Fort Worth area growing up. I also played on Birdville's varsity team. I'm currently under contract with University of Texas Arlington and I play with the Warriors and Chicken Lollipops beer league teams. I've probably subbed for every team in the metroplex though haha!

TAN: I feel like you play a very aggressive style. How did you develop it and why does it work well for you?

KB: I would say I play a pretty medium depth game honestly. My pronounced movements probably make it seem aggressive but if you watch me I tend to never leave the blue paint. I feel like the farther away from the net I am, the more I'm prone to be off-angle. Especially being pretty short you have to be square and set before you worry about anything else.

TAN: Tell us about your gear. What are the reasons you like the gear you have?

KB: I'm currently wearing Brians Subzero3 pads. Coming from a Reebok-style pad it took me a while to get used to them but now I would never go back! I'll probably lose an inch in the thigh rise on my next set. Brians has pretty tall thigh rises. My glove and blocker are both reebok XLTs. My glove is a 590 break which I love for my "fingers-up" glove position. I'll probably end up trying out that Sub3 glove whenever I get the chance.

TAN: Who were your idols or who did you model your game after as you were learning?

KB: Henrik Lundqvist! His compete level, his movements, his attitude towards the game is something I try to replicate. As a kid I also liked Belfour!

TAN: Who is your favorite goalie(s) playing now and why?

KB: I love Lundqvist. I love his sheer will to win and his compete level is second to none. I like Halak because he's closer to my size. Its fun to watch how the shorter goalies survive at the highest levels. Also I'm a big fan of Bernier, Talbot, and recently Nashville's backup Jussi Saros has caught my eye.

TAN: Tell us about something funny that happened during a game.

KB: Just yesterday actually I let in an awful goal and flung the puck into the stands. The refs weren't happy about but little did they know I was actually aiming at the guy who scored haha!

TAN: As you have gotten older and spent more time in net, what is some advice you would give kids starting on goal?

KB: Growing up I would always get the worst pre-game anxiety. To the point where it was affecting me and I was pretty much yanked in every game. My advice would be, hockey is supposed to be fun so don't think about it too much and just have fun. It's just a game!

TAN: I always see your younger brother at your games giving fist bumps to both teams going on and off the ice. What's it like sharing hockey with him?

KB: It's cool that he likes to come and support me. It means alot to me! We are trying to save up some money so we can get him in the net soon.

TAN: What fires your passion to continue playing?

KB: I get better every time I step into the ice. I feel like if you live to play hockey and you keep getting better at it, why stop? I hopefully still have a good college career to look forward to as well.
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Thanks for the replies Kolby. I can't wait to see you on the ice soon!

Check out some of Kolby's game here.

Would you like to read more local goalie profiles? Leave a comment below.

Another Dream Come True

Since I was a little kid playing Pee Wee in rural Nova Scotia, I wanted my own custom painted mask. The first year I played in net was the last year my local hockey association used masks like this...

I can't tell you for sure this was the same model mask but I know that I took a shot off the top of my head and got knocked out in something similar. The following years before my first retirement from hockey I used various different helmets and cages and never really had a chance to get my custom paint job.

Since coming back to the net, I started my own adult league team and enjoyed working up a team logo and jerseys and giving the team an identity. The Puck Hawgs were born in the summer of 2015 and since then I've often thought that getting a custom painted goalie helmet would be the icing on the cake.

For the past two years I've been playing with a CCM9000 helmet (Senior) and about a year ago I replaced the stock metal cage with a black powder coated cat eye cage. I love it but the next step was a fully custom design. A Puck Hawgs design.

I sought out mask painters but the estimates were sometimes double the cost of the helmet itself and since there's no NHL scouts on the horizon, they were out of my price range. I started seeing more and more about helmet wraps which use custom printed vinyl applied to the helmet that mimics paint. I've seen enough of these to know they can look as good as any paint job and possibly hold up longer without chipping.

I chose Skinfx wraps: Designed & produced by Mark Maghnanti. He was highly reviewed in the goalie communities I frequent and his gallery included several examples of the style I was after. Simple, clean graphics instead of the complex shapes and patterns I see on so many masks that seems to hide any identity. I sent him an example of a mask I liked (Anderson- Ottawa Senators), and the Puck Hawgs logo. In an amazingly short period of time, Mark was messaging me with ideas and mockups that were soon followed by complete designs. After I gave him huge thumbs up on his ideas, he turned out the final product in just a few days.

After seeing the final result, I couldn't be happier and it feels like another childhood dream come true. My own custom mask tricked out with the logo and colors of my own team! Special thanks to Mark for working through the entire process with enthusiasm and patience to get me something I am so proud of. I cannot wait to get on the ice with the Hawgs and my amazing Hawg helmet.

Progression of design

The final product

10 Seconds

The Puck Hawgs were dominating the game.

At 6-0 after two periods, I hadn't faced many shots but I had remained sharp and stopped a few good scoring chances. I was feeling pretty good when suddenly, that word popped into my head. Shutout.

I'm not really superstitious but a long while ago I found out that thinking about a shutout inevitably leads to a goal. Or two. Or three. I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind and committed myself to focusing on the game and the next shot.

Time ticked away on the clock. Soon the game was down to just a few minutes left with the Puck Hawgs leading 10-0. The opposing team was resigned to the outcome and probably thinking more about a cold beer after the game than anything else.

Suddenly, one of their forwards burst across our blue line. One last rush with two minutes to go. The ref blew his whistle as my defenseman lifted the stick of the rusher and called a hooking penalty. It was a weak call. "He only lifted his stick!" I shouted at the ref as he skated by. "Ya, well they gotta score a goal sometime", he answered back with a grin on his face. I wasn't smiling.

Two icings later, there was a faceoff in our zone. The puck was dropped and a mad scramble took place in the slot. The puck squirted onto the stick of an opposing player and he leaned onto his stick for a wrister 6 feet in front of me. I dropped down and watched as it sailed over my glove-side shoulder and into the net. I was stunned. I don't think I've ever come as close to a shutout only to have it broken up so late in a game.

I turned around and looked at the clock. 10 seconds left. 10 seconds man. That's just not right.

I gave my team some good-natured grief in the locker room. All I got back was chirps like, "Next time maybe you should stop them all." Those guys are jerks. Don't they know that shutouts are like finding a diamond in a field for this Ancient Netminder.

10 seconds.